ZAAN (Sidewinders: Generations Book 1) Read online

  I could only partially hear them but after more than three years on the road together, I knew what they were saying, what they thought of me. But I didn’t care anymore. I was done with this bullshit. Contract or no contract, I was catching a flight home as soon as I could get to an airport. I’d already spoken to my lawyer about it and he’d said he potentially had enough proof to show they were breaking multiple stipulations of our contract, so I could get out of finishing the tour. At this point, I didn’t care about the money or my reputation. I just needed to get the hell away from them. There was no doubt in my mind why the last Kay had turned to heroin and suicide; these bitches were enough to drive anyone insane.

  “Come on, you sweet blond pussy.” Tayla and Pam joined Marj and the two guys they’d picked up, who were now stark naked, sneering down at me. She snatched the headphones off of my head and I shot to my feet. I wasn’t suicidal like Kay, but I was on the verge of being homicidal, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

  “Give me the fucking headphones,” I snapped.

  “What are you gonna do? Take them?” Tayla tossed them on the ground and stomped on them, laughing.

  I arched my brows. “You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

  “You’re not better than us, you know,” Tayla responded, her bloodshot eyes cloudy from alcohol and who knows what else.

  “Never said I was.”

  “But you sit in there like the queen of fucking England, always working. You’re the only one who writes songs… Why can’t you use the ones they write for us like Kay did?”

  “Because I like to write songs.”

  “You wanna fuck my boyfriend?” Tayla changed tactics, pulling her flavor of the month forward and beginning to stroke his dick.

  “No thanks.” I tried to sit down again but Tayla yanked me back up by the hair.

  I let out a yelp of pain and surprise, pulling myself free of the other woman’s grasp as I stumbled back into my seat. “What. The. Fuck.” I stood up again, scowling. “You want to go, Tayla? Huh? You and your drunk ass think you can take me?” I’d never been in a fistfight in my twenty-two years on earth, but I was ready tonight.

  “Fuck you!” Tayla started laughing, which turned into a deep, guttural cough that led her to her own bunk.

  “What did you do to her?” Pam growled at me.

  I raised my hands. “I never touched her. Maybe if she’d stop smoking and shooting up, she wouldn’t sound like that all the time.”

  “Maybe if you weren’t so holier-than-thou, we’d be a group again instead of Lexi’s backup singers.”

  “Again, if you spent more time on the music instead of the drugs and dickless wonders, it wouldn’t be that way.”

  “We don’t want you here,” Tayla rasped. “We fucking hate you.”

  “Good. I hate you too and I’ll be out of here the next time we stop.”

  “You can’t leave the group. There’s another year on your contract.” Tayla tried to keep talking but succumbed to another coughing fit.

  “I’d rather go broke than spend another year on tour with you bitches.” I pulled the curtain closed and sat down. Though I’d learned quickly not to back down with them, the fighting and insults still bothered me. My hands were shaking and I was a little nauseated, but I’d be okay. Opening up my phone to distract myself, a notification caught my eye.

  Las Vegas loses to Florida, 5-4.

  The Sidewinders had played Florida? In Fort Lauderdale? Tonight? I quickly looked up the team’s schedule and, sure enough, the game against Florida had ended only a few minutes ago. Holy shit. This might be my lucky night.

  I hauled my ass out of my bunk and rushed to the front of the bus. Lula Mae Hammond had been our bus driver for two years and she was a sweet, smart lady; we’d gotten close over the last couple of years. Lula Mae was one of the only people keeping me sane on this tour.

  “Lula, where are we?” I whispered.

  Lula glanced at me in surprise. “Passing through a western suburb of Fort Lauderdale, Lex. What’s up?”

  “Are we anywhere near Sawgrass Mills? The Sawgrass Expressway?”

  “Sugar, what’s going on?”

  “Tell me, Lula. It’s important.”

  “We’re on the Sawgrass, sugar, but—”

  “Don’t pass the exit for the mall!” I ran back to my bunk and threw my laptop, external hard drive and chargers into my backpack. Grabbing my Keds, I slid my feet into them, put my phone in my pocket and slipped on my denim jacket. I took one last look around and then hurried back to the front of the bus.

  “Honey bunch, what are you doing?” Lula looked concerned.

  “I need to get out of here,” I whispered. “My dad’s team is here, right now, and if we hurry, I can get on the plane with them if you can drop me near the arena.”

  “The girls won’t like it,” she whispered back.

  “By the time they figure out what’s going on, I’ll be gone.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  Lula got off the highway at the next exit and headed toward the arena. “Be careful, sweet girl—text Lula Mae and let me know you’re okay.”

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and weighed my options. My father was the team’s goalie coach now that he’d retired from playing professional hockey, but he had the flu and wasn’t on this road trip. I knew lots of the players but there was only one I wanted to call. Without overthinking it, I dialed his number and prayed he would pick up. We hadn’t spoken in months, but he was still my friend.

  My soulmate.

  My love.

  My Zaan.

  “Hey, we’re about to get on the bus. Can I call you back?”

  “I need help,” I said quickly. “Where are you?”

  “We’re in Fort Lauderdale,” he countered. “Where are you? What’s going on?”

  “I’m by the mall, just a few blocks away…” I told him exactly where we were.

  “We’re around back, literally getting ready to walk out to the bus in a few minutes.”

  “Oh, god, don’t leave without me! Please tell them to wait. I can have the driver drop me off at the player’s exit if you can call someone to get us through the gate. The game let out not that long ago, so there’s a ton of traffic, but if you get me in…”

  “I’ll talk to Coach right now. Call you back.” He disconnected.

  Lula turned the bus toward the arena, slowing down as she went against the postgame traffic, but I was so ramped up on adrenaline, I was bouncing on my toes as I waited for word from Zaan.

  A minute later he called back.

  “Gate Z,” he told me. “And then I’ll meet you outside.”

  “Thank you.” I relayed the message to Lula and we followed signs toward the correct gate.

  “Have her just pull over by the guard,” Zaan was saying in the phone. “I can walk you in. That’s easier than her trying to turn around in this parking lot.”

  “Okay.” I pointed. “Let me off there, Lula.”

  “You sure, sugar?” Lula gave me a dubious glance.

  “It’s the team my dad works for. I’ll be fine.”

  She slowed the bus to a stop and I leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I’ll text you tomorrow! Thank you.”

  “Go get ‘em, girl. You know you love that boy.”

  I gave her a rueful smile. “I don’t think it’s mutual anymore, but you never know.”

  I jumped off the bus and as I turned, I saw him. Tall and broad-shouldered, his dirty blond hair falling over his forehead, it was still Zaan. He’d changed some, gotten bigger and stronger, but not that much, not enough that I wouldn’t recognize him. I couldn’t help myself and ran straight to his arms, throwing myself at him as if I was grabbing a lifeline.

  “Hey.” He hugged me tightly. “You okay, babe?”

  He called me babe. I nearly melted.

  “Could you just hold me for a minute? Please.”

  “Of course.” He wrapped his ar
ms around me, pulling me against his chest as the tour bus pulled away.

  I breathed in his aftershave, his masculine scent, and emotion burned through me. God, I’d missed him so fucking much.

  “What’s going on?” he whispered after a few seconds. “The guys are already on the bus and we’re going to have to walk over there.”

  “Can I fly home with you?”

  He grimaced. “Lex, you know that’s against the rules.”

  “This is an emergency. I couldn’t spend another minute on that bus and…if I get on a commercial flight the press will recognize me. I’ll talk to Jared.” Jared Wylde was the head coach of the professional hockey team Zaan and my father both worked for, the Las Vegas Sidewinders.

  “There’s the bus.” He motioned with his head. “Come on.” He took his arm from around me but kept a hand at the small of my back as we walked to where the bus was parked.

  Jared came out, a frown creasing his face as he recognized me. “Sweetheart, what are you doing here?”

  “Hey, Jared. I know it’s not usually allowed, but I can’t get on a commercial flight tonight. I literally had the tour bus stop and let me off on the side of the road… I couldn’t take it another minute. There’s a shit ton of crazy going on with the band. Please, please let me fly back to Vegas with you.”

  Jared shifted, taking a deep breath. “If people find out about this…”

  “The only way anyone will know is if the guys talk or we keep standing here. Please. I’ll explain on the bus.”

  “Come on, then.” He motioned with his head and I hurried up the steps.

  “Thank you.”

  “Where’s your stuff?” He looked down in confusion.

  “I told you, I had the driver drop me off. This is all I took. I’m done. I’m not going back. I don’t care if they sue me or if I spend every dime I’ve made getting out of my contract, but I’m done.”

  “Jesus, sweetheart. Come sit down.”

  I sank into the seat next to Jared and closed my eyes in relief. Zaan sat in the seat behind me, one big hand reaching forward to lightly stroke my arm through my jacket.

  “Lexi.” Cody Armstrong, the team captain and a good friend of the family, sat across from me. “What’s going on, beautiful?”

  I shook my head, suddenly emotional all over again.

  “Here.” Zaan passed a bottle of water forward and I accepted it, drinking deeply.

  Some things never change, I thought. He might not love me anymore, but he still knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it.

  “I couldn’t take it,” I said after a moment. “The drugs, the partying, the men… It was gross. I’m not talking about having a little fun—these girls are hardcore. Sharing needles, men, spending money faster than anything I could imagine. And the more hit songs I wrote, the more they hated me. I’m just done.” I closed my eyes and leaned back in the seat.

  “It’ll be okay, honey.” Jared squeezed my shoulder. “We’ll get you home to your family and you can figure things out.”

  “Thank you.” I blinked away tears. “I really appreciate you letting me fly home with you. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’re family, Lexi.”

  2

  Zaan

  She dozed on the flight to Las Vegas and I watched her with a lump in my throat. Still the most beautiful girl in the world. Sexy. Talented. Passionate. My soulmate. The love of my life. The one I’d sent away, thinking it would make her miss me or that it would somehow allow me to move on. I’d been such a fucking idiot. It might have been the right move considering where we’d been in our lives at the time, but it had never stopped hurting. And breaking up with her definitely hadn’t brought her back to me.

  She looked exhausted, dark circles under her eyes despite her makeup. Even now, dozing beside me, she was restless, fidgeting as though she couldn’t relax. I longed to reach for her, pull her close and never let her go again, but we’d grown too far apart for that. She was a huge pop star now, writing chart-topping hits and touring the world. Regardless of what had happened with her current band, Lexi was a star in her own right and would undoubtedly move on to something else. She was a phenomenal talent and listening to her sing was breathtaking.

  Lexi was the whole package, and it never failed to amaze me that she’d loved me once, had ever wanted me. Then things had gotten complicated and instead of fighting for her, I’d let my own restlessness and insecurities get the best of me. Now she was here, in a rough place, and all I could think about was winning her back.

  Lexi had turned to me when she was in trouble, which spoke volumes about how much we still meant to each other. She was back, even if it was for a short time, and I desperately wanted to talk to her, spend time with her, remember what it had been like to love her. It had been over a year but my heart still skipped a beat every time I saw her on TV, heard her on the radio or got the occasional text from her. Being next to her was practically paralyzing.

  The plane descended into Las Vegas and I gently squeezed her arm. “Hey, we’re almost on the ground.”

  Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me. “Can I sleep on your couch tonight?”

  My couch, my bed, on me… I didn’t say those words out loud but nodded slowly. “Of course, but don’t you want to see your dad?”

  “Tomorrow.” She yawned. “He’s had the flu and it’s late. I’m too exhausted to get into everything and I’m going to have to do so much explaining…I need one good night’s sleep before I face the world. My whole life is going to blow up when the record label finds out I walked out on the tour.”

  “Whatever you need, Lex.”

  She smiled. “Thank you for being here for me.”

  “Always. You know that.”

  “I do.” Her smile essentially melted my heart and I forced myself to look away.

  We got back to my apartment well after midnight and I went to get a pillow and sheets from the closet.

  “I’ll sleep on the couch,” I told her quietly. “You can sleep on my bed.”

  “Zaan.” She met my eyes, one soft hand resting on my forearm. “We can sleep in a bed together without doing anything, can’t we?”

  Not without killing me, I thought warily. Out loud, I said, “Of course. I just don’t want you to feel weird or anything.”

  “Are you involved with someone?”

  I hesitated. “I date here and there, but no one exclusive.”

  “Then I need a shower and one of your T-shirts. Is that okay?”

  “Anything you want.” I showed her where everything was and got undressed in my room while she showered. I settled on my California king bed and sighed happily. I loved my bed and it was the one thing I missed whenever I was on the road. Having Lexi beside me tonight, even platonically, would make it that much better. God, I’d missed her. Her laugh, her quick wit, her ability to beat me on the Xbox… I wouldn’t even think about what it was like being intimate with her. No, that would only get me into trouble.

  The bed dipped beside me and I looked over at her. She was flat on her back in nothing but one of my Sidewinders T-shirts, which was more like a dress on her, her blond hair damp on the pillow. She looked over at me and slowly held out her hand. I didn’t hesitate to put mine in it, and we let them rest there between us for a long time without saying anything.

  “Thank you again,” she said at last, “for coming to my rescue tonight.”

  “You don’t have to thank me,” I responded gruffly. “You and I will always have a special bond. That doesn’t stop because of time and distance.”

  “It’s been a really bad year,” she sighed. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “It’s going to be okay.” I squeezed her hand. “Tomorrow you’ll talk to your agent or lawyer or whomever and figure it out.”

  “Would you hold me?” she whispered softly. “I’m not being a tease, I just—”

  “I know you inside and out,” I interrupted, turning
on my side and pulling her against me. I pressed a light kiss to the side of her face. “There’s nothing I’d rather do than hold you.”

  “Zaan.” My name was a whisper on her lips and the tension drained from her body as she melted against me. Then we were asleep.

  We woke to the buzzing of Lexi’s phone, which was charging on the nightstand beside her. She ignored it at first, snuggling up against me. We’d fallen asleep with her back pressed against my front. Now she was draped across my chest with my arms still around her. How long had it been since she’d slept in my arms? Too long. It was heavenly and she seemed just as reluctant to move as I was, both of us intent on enjoying this stolen moment of intimacy. Her phone kept buzzing, though, and she let out an involuntary sigh.

  “You knew today was going to be busy,” I murmured against the top of her head, though I still didn’t move.

  “Yeah.” Reluctantly, she broke away and reached for her phone with a frown. “Geez. Seven calls from my agent, two from my lawyer and…a bunch from my dad.” She sat up.

  “That seems extreme,” I said with a frown, sitting up too.

  “I’m going to go freshen up,” she murmured. “Then I’ll call everyone back.”

  “I’ll make breakfast.”

  “You have practice today?”

  I shook my head. “It’s a day off, so I’m at your disposal.”

  She smiled. “You’re the best.”

  I got up and used the bathroom on the other side of the apartment as she did her business in mine. I didn’t mind; anything that was mine could be hers if she wanted it. She’d been my everything once, and in some ways still was, so even if it was temporary, I’d do everything in my power to be there for her. In whatever way she’d let me.

  I went into the kitchen and brewed the first cup of coffee. She liked it with a splash of cream and a dash of sugar, just like I did, and I made two identical cups. We’d never lived together, so other than a few overnight stays, we’d rarely woken up together, made breakfast together, did any of those things couples usually did. This was both weird and somehow normal, as if we were just picking up right where we’d left off. Even though that wasn’t really the case.